Grief and loss issues in the workplace present difficult challenges for managers. Any type of trauma or loss experienced by an employee may stimulate a grief reaction, temporarily interfering with job performance and productivity. It is helpful to understand the stages of normal grief reaction in order to know what to expect when loss occurs.

The following phases of grief may be evident among friends and colleagues. The accompanying emotions and physical manifestations may serve to explain behavior observed after the loss occurs.

Shock and Disbelief

• Feelings of emptiness, numbness, unreality
• Confusion, inability to perform simple tasks
• Forgetfulness
• Tears at unexpected moments
• Appearance of being disoriented
• A sense of the presence of the deceased (hearing the person's voice or seeing their face may temporarily occur)

Anger

• Anger at the loved one for leaving
• Displaced anger toward others
• Looking for someone/something to blame
• Angry outbursts/short temper

Guilt

• Need to talk about the person or issues about the relationship or circumstances of death
• Feelings of panic
• Expression of "ought" and "should" related to the deceased

Depression or Apathy

• Depressed mood
• Inability to concentrate/focus/solve problems
• Sighing, tearfulness
• Inability to sleep/eat
• Fatigue
• Tightness in chest

Coming to Terms with Loss

• Talking about the deceased positively/realistically
• Reinvesting emotional energy in other people things
• Resuming normal activities

Individuals do not necessarily move through all these phases. From person to person, this process of acceptance goes on at a different rate. The reaction to grief has no "quick fix." With time, the intensity of feelings associated with loss seem to decrease, but may never disappear. Varied emotions and reactions take place before resolution is reached. It is necessary to experience the pain of loss, to accept the loss, and to adjust to the inevitable changes.

Grief Reactions of Staff

Emotions within an office may involve anger, sorrow, fear, confusion, and frustration. Because of the universality of grief, it is helpful first to recognize one's personal feelings evoked by another's grief. Responding to the needs of others is then easier. Many people feel awkward and fearful of saying or doing the wrong thing. Death creates feelings about mortality and questions about life, values, meaning, and career choices.

Managers as Role Models

A manager can serve as a role model in supporting the individual who is grieving, while at the same time, promoting office morale and productivity. It may be helpful to ask an employee what the office can do to relieve some of the work stress during a critical time. Knowing the "right thing" to say to someone who is grieving is not critical, but a few guidelines are helpful. Saying nothing is worse than saying the wrong thing. Appropriate words are: "I am sorry to hear about your loss;" "You are (or have been) in my thoughts;” "How are you doing?;" or "I don't know what to say, but if I can be of help to you, I'm here." Sometimes a shared memory about the deceased is appropriate. Comforting words come from empathy and faith. It is supportive to offer time to listen. Taking over burdensome tasks may be of practical help to a grieving co-worker. Managers can show appreciation of the extra load that colleagues may be carrying.

When an Employee within the Office Community is Critically Ill or Dies

When an employee is critically ill or dies within the office "family," the issues involved are somewhat different. Promoting communication within the office community about the loss can be helpful. Meeting individually with employees to ascertain how they are coping may provide useful information about assistance needed. Notification of staff regarding an untimely death should be done as soon as possible, individually to those who were close to the deceased. A memo, bulletin or email may be distributed or sent office-wide for those in other departments. Information should be brief, but accurate, including time and place of death, circumstances (if appropriate), place and date of memorial services, names and addresses of next of kin, and possible charitable gestures or contributions. Other critical considerations include delegation of work duties. Voice mail and email messages should be retrieved, the deceased's voice mail be turned off, email should be disabled, and a decision about the response to outside calls for information should be made. Removal of personal effects can be a sensitive issue for co-workers - family members or close friends should be consulted. Allowing for leave to attend memorial services helps to promote a sense of support.

Creating Memories of Deceased Employee

Co-workers may be provided with an opportunity to do something in memory of the deceased co-worker, such as creating a memorial fund or creating a book of memories or photographs for the family or for the office. Looking at pictures and sharing stories of the deceased may help to express feelings and enhance the grief process. Some offices may plan an activity to commemorate the employee. Ask co-workers and family members for their suggestions. For example, donations to an organization supported by the deceased may be appropriate.

Your EAP is a Resource

Your Employee Assistance Program (EAP) serves as a resource to help deal with issues of grief and loss. Your EAP counselor should be notified to arrange for supportive efforts for colleagues and co-workers. The counselor can make suggestions regarding holding a possible "debriefing" session for those most severely affected by the loss. During such a session, the counselor describes expected and unexpected reactions to loss and employees are invited to talk about their personal reactions. The session also sets up a connection between employees, the EAP and the counselor if further support is needed. The EAP is also a useful resource for individual consultation for managers who may be concerned about extreme reactions of bereaved persons. Extensive, prolonged, or extreme behavioral or physical reactions to grief may be cause for concern and an EAP referral may be appropriate. A lack of any signs of the grief process in an individual who has suffered a loss may also be an indication that an individual is at risk.

Additional Resources

Necessary Losses, The Loves, Illusions, Dependencies, and Impossible Expectations That All of Us Have to Give Up in Order to Grow, Viorst, Judith, Fireside, 1998. Section IV, Chapters 16 through 20 are particularly significant in regards to loss and grief.

Death and Dying, Kubler-Ross, Elisabeth, Scribner, 1997.

When Bad Things Happen to Good People, Kushner, Harold, Avon, 1997.

American Association of Retired Persons
601 E Street, NW
Washington, DC 20049
1-800-424-3410
www.aarp.org/griefandloss

Wendt Center for Loss and Healing
730 11th Street, NW, 3rd Floor
Washington, DC 20001
202-624-0010
http://www.wendtcenter.org/
The mission of this organization is to ease impact of illness, loss and bereavement through direct services, education and advocacy.

The Hospices of the
National Capital Region
9300 Le Highway, Suite 500
Fairfax, VA 22031
703-383-9222
www.hospiceonline.org
Twenty-five years of providing expert care, comfort, and support for individuals and families facing terminal illness.

The Compassionate Friends
P.O. Box 3696
Oak Brook, IL 60522-3696
1-877-969-0010
www.compassionatefriends.org
Support for persons who have lost a child. Chapters in D.C., Annapolis, Baltimore, Bowie, Frederick, Potomac, Waldorf, Arlington, Fairfax, Fredericksburg, Leesburg, and Manassas.

www.griefnet.org - An internet community of persons dealing with loss utilizing email support groups.

www.groww.org – Bereavement message board and chat room support.

Written by
Trish Christian, RN, CS, CEAP
Edited by
Mary McClain Georgevich

CopeLine is published by COPE, Inc.
1120 G Street NW #550
Washington, DC 20005
(202) 628-5100
1-800-247-3054

This material may be reproduced without permission provided that it is not modified or altered in any way and acknowledgment is made to COPE, Inc.

All information on this site is © 1999-2008 COPE, Inc.

Back to the Practical Management Articles Main Page