COPE: Visitors Page

Divorce & Single Parenting

There is nothing easy about divorce, no matter whether you instigated the action or are on the receiving end. And there are so many administrative matters to handle that you may forget that you and your children are trying to understand and deal with the emotions of this loss.

Divorce is one of the most difficult and painful experiences of your life. It is like dealing with death because the "us" part of you has died. This leaves you to rebuild a new "you" and that may leave you feeling scared, bitter, angry and lonely.

At some point you will feel better about yourself and will be able to move in a new direction. But what about the children? Whether you have full or shared custody with your ex-spouse, it is important to know how your kids may be feeling and what you can do to help.

Depending on your child's age and temperament you may notice one or all of the following feelings:

Insecurity
Sadness
Anger
Embarrassment
Aggressive behavior
Withdrawal from the family

Some of the following suggestions may help:

Early in the divorce process you and your ex-spouse will need to consider who will be offering care to your children. Will you need to modify you childcare situation and if so, can you afford it?
Communication is vital. Talk to your child about the divorce and how it makes you both feel.
Avoid negative talk about the other parent.
Let your child know that you still love him/her very much.
Make sure your child knows that this is not his/her fault.
Do not punish your child by withholding visitation with the other parent because you are angry with your ex-spouse.
Do not expect your child to take the place of, and the duties for, your ex-spouse.
Move slowly into new romantic relationships.
Take care of yourself. If you aren't a good "you", you may have a hard time being a good parent.

Resources

DISTRICT OF COLUMBIA

Children of Separation/Divorce Support Group
Sponsored by the DC Public Schools, this program offers support groups for children in grades 4-6, 7-9 and 10-12 during the school year. For more information speak to Dr.Cummings at (301) 589-3209.

MARYLAND

Parents Without Partners
Has support groups, educational and community programs for single parents. They have offices in Alexandria, Fairfax, Dorsey, Frederick, Laurel, Prince George's and Silver Spring. Call the international office at (800) 637-7974 for details.

US KIDS
Has a 10-session support group for children ages 6-13. A parent must be involved in a concurrant group. Cost is $20 per person. Call Jan Thompson at (301) 464-8385.

VIRGINIA

Kids Cope
Offers 8 Saturday afternoon sessions for children 4-7 and 8-12 in the Reston area. Support groups are free but you do need to register you child in advance. Call Annemarie Bezhold at (703) 968-4000. Divorce Anonymous Uses a 12-step approach for adults who are experiencing separation or divorce. Call Delinda for details at (703) 864-0339.

METROPOLITAN AREA

Divorce And Marital Stress Clinic, Inc.
Offers mediation services and counseling. For an appointment please call (703) 528-3900.

New Beginnings
Provides mutual support and information for individual men and women of divorce. Support groups and family gatherings are just a few of the services and activities available. Serves Maryland, Virginia and DC. For more information, please call (301) 924-4101.

READINGS

The Divorce Handbook, by James T. Friedman, Random House, 1982.

Crazy Time, by Abigail Trafford, Harper Perennial, 1992.

How To Get It Together When Your Parents Are Coming Apart, by Arlene Richard and Irene Willis, McKay Company, 1976.

Transitions: Making Sense of Life's Changes, by William Bridges, Addison-Wesley Publishing, 1980.

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