A Work & Life Article

Coping With Loss in the Workplace

The death of someone can have a strong impact on you. If the loss is sudden, and especially if it happens in the workplace itself, shock and anxiety will bring all other activity to a halt. Many people will find comfort in talking to others, but not everyone will be able to express their feelings openly. Employees will experience a variety of reactions depending upon their relationship with the deceased.

Coming to Terms with the Feelings

After the shock and denial, reality brings the realization that the individual who sat at the nearby desk and shared the work is gone. The sense of loss will be more acute if the co-worker was a long-term employee and a well-liked person.

When a co-worker who was not well-liked dies, those who worked with him or her will be conflicted about what to say. They may genuinely lack a sense of regret, but because that is not socially acceptable, they may feel guilty. Sometimes, a frank comment about mixed feelings will put everyone at ease.

TIP: It is important to have support during the grieving process. Managers should allow time for mourning.

Why Call COPE

Employee Assistance counselors are often called upon to meet with workplace groups soon after the crisis to calm anxiety and give workers a chance to talk about how the experience has affected them. For those who volunteer to share their thoughts, talking about grief can be reassuring. The workplace may allow time for attendance at wakes, funerals, memorial services, and all accepted rituals that allow us to say goodbye to the deceased.

TIP: It must be stressed that people's reactions to death and dying are highly individual and varied. Some people may not wish to attend these events.

Physical Reactions to Loss

Recovery from grief can take longer than we expect. When grief at work coincides with sad events in an employee's personal life, the emotional overload may cause stress: a sense of free floating anxiety, difficulty sleeping, tension, irritability, and physical ailments. Headaches and gastrointestinal distress, loss of appetite, and fatigue are common in early phases of grieving.

For a person with a known health problem, when loss is significant, close medical supervision is recommended. The stress of this period may worsen a medical condition or bring on a crisis if the person with a disease, such as diabetes, alters eating habits or medication.

TIP: It is important to recognize that symptoms of stress are, to some degree, normal responses in the early period of bereavement. When the symptoms linger or worsen, professional counseling may be needed.

Every loss we experience in our lives confronts us with our own mortality - "there, but for the grace of God, go I." We are called upon to acknowledge thoughts which we would be more comfortable ignoring. It helps the healing process to accept our fears and support one another.

Behavioral Changes Following Loss

Change in behavior patterns in early grief is a normal, temporary way of coping. If such behavior is harmful, like excessive drinking, extreme isolation and withdrawal, or other risky behaviors, it may require professional intervention. At times, it is necessary to assume management of details at work when a person is so overwhelmed by emotion that he or she cannot function efficiently. If the person demonstrates signs of returning initiative, it is helpful to quietly encourage each new step.

Ways to be Supportive during the Grieving Process

• Support a grieving person's willingness to express a full range of emotions. Anger is a common emotional response to loss. Listen to expressions of anger. Avoid defensiveness.
• If a person seems embarrassed or appears to be choking back tears, it may be helpful to mention that crying provides healthy relief. Attempting to distract the bereaved from his or her grief through forced cheerfulness shows little or no understanding of what he or she is going through.
• Guilt is frequently part of the grieving process. In many cases, there is no reason for guilt. If a person expresses guilt openly, it is better to encourage them to talk about it than to shut off its expression or try to explain it away.
• Fear is also an emotional response to grief. Some fears are more easily discussed than others. Willingness to share similar feelings may be helpful. It implies, "I have experienced something similar. Now I've recovered and am willing to talk about it." It doesn't help to say, "I know how you feel." You may not really know.

Responses to loss vary greatly from person to person. Some people adjust well and others recover poorly from trauma. In general, resolving a loss is a long and painful process.

Generally, people who want to be supportive are of greatest value to those who are grieving if they patiently encourage feelings to emerge and express their sincere desire to "be there" through the hard times.

Edited by Mary Sue McClain
COPELines are published by COPE, Inc.

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